A trip to the hotsprings
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: All the tennis teams take a trip to the hot springs. Random madness ensues.
1. the bus ride

A/N: I don't know how many people a bus seats, so I'm just going to pretend that the amount of people I cram on each would fit. Ah, and let us pretend that the buses they are riding on are just like the yellow school buses that I used to have to take trips on. mwahaha. Oh, the horror.

****

The Ultimate Trip from HELL...or something.

On a dark and stormy night, the majority of the tennis players on Tenipuri decided to go on a trip to some hot springs, because their teachers all simultaneously decided it would be good for them. These same teachers, who apparently all shared one brain cell, called each other up and made arrangements for this trip to occur.

At which point they all decided to meet up at Seigaku, it being the focal point of the entire show, and from there they would all travel to the hot springs together, on three different buses.

Thus began...the road trip.

BUS 1

Driver: Ryuzaki Sumire

"According to my calculations, we should be there by nightfall," Inui said, consulting his map, his compass, and his guidebook.

"According to my calculations, your calculations are wrong," Yanagi said, consulting his map, his watch, his wallet (to make sure that his precious picture of Seiichi was still there and hadn't fallen out).

"Well, according to my calculations, you are being difficult." Inui pushed his glasses up his nose.

"According to my calculations, you should stop being argumentative."

"According to my calculations, you are an asshole."

"According to my calculations, you can go to hell."

"According to --"

"Would you two cut it out? I can't take this anymore!" Shishido screamed. "I'm never going on another road trip as long as I live! Which won't be much longer because I'm this close to killing myself!"

"Nobody cares what you think," Akutsu growled. He was seated behind Shishido, and he was frankly getting pissed off with the drama queen's attitude.

"Why you --"

"Shishido-san, please calm down," said Ohtori, who was (of course) Shishido's seat mate. (Among other things).

"Yeah, listen you your wife, pansy," Akutsu said.

"Akutsu-sempai! Stop provoking Shishido-san, desu!" exclaimed Akutsu's seatmate, the adorable Dan Taichi. How Akutsu had ended up sitting next to this brat, he had no idea. He wasn't even sure why the hell he was on this trip anyway, since he wasn't even on the damn tennis team anymore.

"Looks like you have a nagging wife as well," Sengoku chirped. Akutsu went on to wonder why the hell he'd ended up with Sengoku behind him. This just wasn't his day.

"Why can't they just shut up back there," Sanada growled irritably. He and Yukimura were in the first seat, because Sanada wanted to be as far away from everyone else as he could be.

"Calm down, Genichirou. Just enjoy yourself," Yukimura said. His voice was so soothing that Sanada almost let himself relax for about half a second, then he went back to being the regular turd that he is.

Mizuki, who was seated next to Akazawa, was angry because Yuuta had promised to sit with him. However, Yuuta was currently being squashed against the window by Fuji, who had Tezuka tied to his other arm.

"Isn't three to a seat a little uncomfortable?" Mizuki asked. His eye was twitching.

"Mmph," replied Yuuta, who did not have enough air to speak. Fuji ignored Mizuki, as always, and Tezuka was too busy trying to escape from his bindings to pay any attention to the question.

"Couldn't you be a little bit happier about sitting next to me?" Akazawa grumbled. "I'm not that bad, am I? Argh."

Saeki, who had somehow managed to get a seat to himself, tapped Fuji on the shoulder. "Is there room for one more up there?"

"You're always welcome in my mating circle," Fuji replied. Saeki squeezed himself into the mess. Tezuka popped out into the aisle, and used that opportunity to free himself, at which point he dashed as quickly as he could to the back, and plopped down beside Tachibana.

"Ah, Tezuka," Tachibana said. "How nice to see you."

"Hn."

Kirihara, who was sitting next to Kaido by some strange turn of events that no one could remember, saw the open seat that Saeki had left, and went for it. Unfortunately for him, Fuji spotted him all alone and vulnerable, and grabbed him. Now Yuuta was even more squashed, and began to turn a shade of blue that, even though somewhat attractive, was most decidedly unhappy.

"That's it!" Mizuki exclaimed. "I'm taking him for myself!" He got up, and managed to wriggle Yuuta out of Fuji's clutches. He took Yuuta back to his seat, and there they sat together (after he dumped Akazawa into the aisle).

"There's an empty place here," said a very sexy voice. Akazawa blinked, then blinked again. He was going to get to sit next to THAT?

"I'm Kajimoto."

"Akazawa. Nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you, actually."

"Indeed."

"Fsssh." Kaido, who was now alone, felt very lonely, though he would never admit it. He almost wished he was on the same bus as that bastard Momoshiro. At least there would be something for him to do...

"Kaido, you look very bored. Would you like to join Renji and I in a little game?"

"Fssh. What kind of game?"

"Well, we were thinking of...whisperwhisper."

Kaido turned a brilliant shade of red, and then promptly passed out. He fell out of his seat into the aisle, where he was stepped on by Fuji, who was dragging Tezuka and Yuuta back to his mating circle -- er, seat.

"Hey you kids! Stop moving around!" Ryuzaki-sensei bellowed.

In the very back, Jiroh snored on, forgotten by all.

BUS 2

Driver: Sakaki Tarou

"The wheels on the bus go round and round!" sang Horio, in a very off-key voice that would have made grown men cry. In fact, Sakaki Tarou was currently crying, and wondering why the hell he had to drive this bus. Then he remembered that Atobe was on this bus.

"Why am I on the same bus as that insect?" Atobe demanded. "I specifically requested to be on the same bus as Tezuka. What the hell am I doing here?"

"Usu," said Kabaji, which wasn't very helpful.

"And then I tried to kiss her and she ran away, da ne," Yanagisawa said, finishing up his story about the date he'd had last weekend.

"THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT WAS VERY HAPPY." Aoi sounded very sympathetic. If he hadn't been speaking into Yanagisawa's ear, it would have been very touching.

"Ha, you're pathetic!" Mukahi exclaimed from the seat behind, where he was currently perched on Oshitari's lap. "On our first date, Yuushi and I --" what followed was a very detailed explanation of several things that sounded quite impossible as well as horribly traumatizing. The entire bus became very silent. The sound of someone sniffling could be heard.

"...I really didn't need to know that, da ne," Yanagisawa said. His face was a pale shade of green. He turned to Aoi. "Please, hold me, da ne."

"THERE THERE, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT."

"People always laugh at us when we finish each other's sentences," said Yohei.

"They don't understand what it's like to be a twin," said Kohei.

"I understand you completely," sympathized Atsushi.

"We feel your pain," sympathized Ryou.

"It looks like we're sitting in the twins section," Niou said to Yagyuu, who was trying to read a book. He should have known better than to try and do anything while in Niou's presence. In retrospect, he should have asked to sit with Jackal. It would have been much more peaceful.

"Twins section, Niou-kun?"

"Well, there's pink and blue over there, and freak 1 and freak 2 over there," Niou said, pointing. "So we're in the twins section."

"Your point being what, exactly?"

"I think I should dress up as you right now so that we fit in."

"I thought we agreed that we were never going to do that again." Yagyuu put on his best stern face, although that looked a lot like his usual expression.

"Think about it though. Two Yagyuus. That could get really kinky."

"No impure thoughts on the bus, Niou-kun."

"You're such a drag. Hey! There's a good idea! How do you feel about crossdressing?"

Yes, he really should have sat with Jackal.

"Change!" yelled Wakato in a deep, manly voice. "OVER!" he squealed, in a high-pitched fangirl voice.

"Anou...what are you doing?" asked Kachiro. Katsuo was sitting with Horio, leaving him to fend for himself next to Wakato Hiroshi, the pretender.

"I'm practicing," Wakato said. "I can't get out of practice while I'm away from the fangirls."

"I see." Kachiro hoped that this bus ride would not last much longer.

"Hey, Bane."

"...what, Davide?"

"If we did something bad, do you think we would get bus-ted?" Davide laughed. Oh, he was really too funny.

How Bane managed to kick him in the head from his sitting position, Davide had no idea, but he suddenly saw stars.

"You're so evil, Bane," Davide sniffled. "I'm never going to let you braid my leg hair again."

"I don't mean to kick you, Davide, it's just a reflex. I'm so sorry, snugglemuffin!"

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that," Atobe muttered. Why did he have to be sitting in front of those two weirdos? "Kabaji! Strike that conversation from your memory bank."

"Usu."

Mewanwhile, Kamio, who was next to Shinji, was trying to kill Momo -- who was next to Echizen.

"So immature. I wish they could just learn to get along. I even learned to get along with Echizen, which is nothing short of a miracle. They even try to kill each other on the bus. How stupid."

"Madda madda da ne," Echizen agreed. He and Shinji's eyes met, and they reached an understanding. At which point Shinji pushed Kamio into the seat behind them, right into Momo's lap. Echizen moved up and sat next to Shinji, and they enjoyed a pleasant bus ride. Kamio, after recovering from his initial shock, decided that Momo's lap was not such a bad place to be. It was easier to strangle him that way. (At least, that was what he told everyone. What they were doing certainly didn't look like murder.)

"It certainly is lively around here," Oishi commented. He was trying to restrain his doubles and seat partner from bouncing up and down.

"Indeed it is," Jackal agreed. He was trying to restrain his doubles and seat partner from eating himself to death.

"I'm a little worried about the people on the other buses. What if they get into an accident?" Oishi fretted.

"Don't worry, the other drivers will be careful," Jackal assured him. "Marui, stop trying to eat my arm."

"But I dropped some of my cake on it!"

"I know they will be careful, but I can't help but worry about everyone and everything," Oishi sighed. "Eiji, please stop playing that kazoo with your nose."

"But it sounds funny, nya! Oops, I just got boogers all over the place."

"The wheels on the bus go round and round!"

Everyone paused whatever they were doing to yell, "SHUT THE HELL UP HORIO!"

BUS 3

Driver: Some random teacher from one of the schools that no one even recognizes.

On bus three were the rest of the characters who get very little to no recognition. Some of those characters didn't even have names, because the author forgot them.

"Nande?" demanded Itsuki. "NANDE?"

"Deep impulse!" Shinjyo bellowed, and then he socked Itsuki to shut him up.

"...and then she was all like no way! And I was all like way! And she was all like --"

Kiriyama twitched. He'd never realized that Ota was a valley girl before. He made a mental note to ask for a new doubles partner when they returned to school.

"I...I wish I was the buchou," Muromachi lamented.

"There there," Minami said, patting him on the head. "You will be the buchou one day, I promise."

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen," sang one of the random Fudomine players, "Nobody knows my sorrow..."

"Why the hell am I on this bus?" Hiyoshi growled. "PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM! PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME! I'M A SEXY BITCH, DAMNIT, AND I HAVE AN ATTITUDE THAT MAKES FANGIRLS SQUEAL! WHY AM I ON THE FRIGGING LOSER BUS?"

"Calm down already," Taki said.

Hiyoshi stopped yelling at started pouting. "I don't want to be on the loser bus. Gekokujyou."

"...did someone just fart?"

"Oh man, that's nasty! Who was it, who was it?"

"Nande!" Itsuki exclaimed. He looked very apologetic.

Hiyoshi Wakashi wept.

And, one hour later, they arrived at the hot springs...


	2. the hot springs

Hanamura-sensei was in her element. She was surrounded by pre-pubescent boys, all wearing nothing more than tiny towels; all with perfect little bodies from all the tennis they played...oh yes, this was a golden opportunity indeed.

She had already been refused by most of her team, and some of Seigaku's; it was time to move on to other teams. She did not understand why she was having such bad luck; most little boys should be thrilled at her attentions!

She spotted a likely candidate, and went for it.

"Ah, it seems that you are all alone," she said. "Shall I keep you company?"

The boy turned to look at her, and she was horrified to see that he had the largest nose she had ever laid eyes upon.

"Nande?" said the kid.

Hanamura turned over a new leaf that day, and gave up her pedophiliac ways for good. She then began hitting on older women (like Ryuzaki-sensei) but that is another story.

-----

Horio got up, started to sing a striptease song, and began to take off his towel in a slow and seductive manner.

...in what he thought was a slow and seductive manner. In reality, he was causing several pairs of eyes to bleed. He discarded the robe completely and tossed it aside...where it landed squarely on Akutsu's head.

"What the hell is this?" he demanded.

"Um, I think that's Horio's towel, desu!"

"You mean that brat's naked now?"

"Er, well, it looks that way, desu!"

"I think I'll keep the towel on my head for a while."

"That's a good idea, desu."

-----

"Tezuka. I've been looking everywhere for you," Atobe said. He struck a pose, heard angels sing, and then settled in the water next to Tezuka. "There are some matters we need to discuss."

"Atobe, I don't think you should sit there."

"I can sit where I like!"

"I have no problem with where you sit, but --"

"That's my seat," said a very dangerous voice. Atobe looked up into angry blue eyes.

"There was no one here when I took it."

"That's because I was off kidnapping -- ahem, retrieving my brother," Fuji said, indicating the very weary looking Yuuta, who was handcuffed to his left wrist.

"I want to go home," Yuuta said. "No, on second thought, I want to move to Canada."

"Fuji Syusuke! Get back here with my love slave! I mean, your brother!" exclaimed a very angry voice.

"I don't know who you are, so stop bothering me," Fuji said pleasantly. "Now get out of my seat Atobe, before I am forced to take drastic measures."

"What could you possibly do?"

Fuji's grin took on a particularly evil quality. Then, in a very loud voice, he said, "Oh dear, Atobe! It looks like your towel has slipped!"

Sakaki Tarou popped out of nowhere. "What? Atobe, I think you should come with me. I want to talk about club activities."

Atobe found himself being dragged away. "I'll get you for this Fuji, if it's the last thing I do!"

Fuji settled into his seat happily. Unfortunately, he forgot that Yuuta was handcuffed to him, and Yuuta nearly drowned.

Yes, he was definitely going to move to Canada, the first chance he got.

-----

"Oh good gods! Must you two do that here?" Shishido exclaimed, covering Ohtori's eyes so that he didn't see anything indecent.

"Shishido-san, it's not like I haven't seen them doing that before..."

"They do that everywhere," Jiroh commented, with a yawn. Then he went back to sleep.

"Gekokujyou," mumbled Hiyoshi.

-----

Shinjyo was in search of somewhere to soak where he wouldn't be surrounded by idiots. He spotted a niche that had only two other people in it. One was a little boy with a happy face, and the other was -- his soul mate. A grey-haired angry-faced tough guy.

"Can I sit here?" Shinjyo asked.

The grey-haired angry-faced tough guy looked up at him and scowled. "No."

Shinjyo sat down. It looked like this would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"I'm Dan Taichi, desu, and this is Akutsu-sempai, desu! He's my hero, desu! Will you be my hero, too?"

Then again, maybe this wasn't such a good place to sit after all.

-----

"Where is Niou?" Sanada worried when Niou was out of sight for more than five minutes. That usually spelled disaster, especially if Yagyuu was also missing.

"I'm sure he's fine," Yukimura said. "Just relax. This is supposed to be a fun trip, Genichirou."

"Hn." Sanada began to feel better about the whole trip when Yukimura settled his head on Sanada's shoulder and started to purr like a kitten. Maybe this whole relaxing thing wasn't so bad after all.

"I have arrived!"

...then again, maybe he was wrong. He knew he shouldn't have relaxed, even for a second.

"Niou! What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

"Trying out my new swimsuit."

"This is not the place or the time!" Sanada's face was turning purple from lack of air.

"Calm down, Genichirou..."

"He. Is. Wearing. A. Bikini." Sanada began to hyperventilate. "THAT BOY IS NOT A MEMBER OF RIKKAI!"

"I think we have upset Sanada, Niou-kun," Yagyuu commented. He was wearing an identical bikini. He would never admit it, but he kind of liked it. He thought it went well with his hair.

-----

"CANNONBALL!" shrieked Ota. He ran up Kiriyama's back, and dove into the water.

"That kid is really annoying," Horio said.

"..." Kachiro and Katsuo exchanged knowing looks, and then they went back to trying to convince Horio to put his towel back on. For the sake of all humanity, they had to succeed!

-----

"Sadaharu, you could at least put that book down for a few moments while you're soaking in the springs," Yanagi scolded, taking the infamous green notebook away from his friend.

"But Renji, everyone is behaving in the most fascinating fashion! Look over there, for instance."

Yanagi directed his attention to where Inui was pointing, and felt his eyebrow begin to twitch.

"You definitely don't need that in your book, Sadaharu. That should be forgotten by all, for all time."

"I beg to differ. Who would have guessed that Itsuki from Rokkaku and Kabaji from Hyoutei would get along so well?"

Yanagi's eyebrow twitched yet again. "That exceeds 'getting along' Sadaharu, and it really doesn't need to go into your notebook."

"But --"

"Just leave it!" Yanagi exclaimed. "Now, you promised me a massage."

"I did, didn't I? Perhaps it's time for us to get friendly, as well."

"That sounds like a lovely idea."

"...can I write that in my notebook?"

"NO!"

-----

Kaido was looking for Inui or Momoshiro, since those two were the only ones he ever actually spoke to for any length of time, and he was still feeling a little lonely. He found Inui first, unfortunately. He was currently involved in what was clearly not a massage with Yanagi.

Kaido decided not to look for Momoshiro, just in case that ended up to be a traumatizing experience as well. He went to sit by himself and sulk. And nurse his severe nosebleed.

-----

Oishi and Jackal had discovered that they had a lot in common. (They both had doubles partners that required constant babysitting attention.)

Whilst their doubles partners frolicked and caused general havoc, Oishi and Jackal conversed.

"It's really refreshing to talk to someone who knows what it's like," Jackal confessed. "I was beginning to think I was the only one in the world who had to babysit kids the same age as I am. Marui! Stop trying to stick gum in Kikumaru's hair!"

"They make fun of me sometimes for acting like their mother, but I really do love each and every one of them," Oishi said. "Eiji! Stop trying to stuff that kazoo up Marui's a -- ahem."

"There's something I've been wanting to say to you," Jackal said. "I...It's a little embarrassing, though."

"Please, go ahead. I don't mind!"

"Your...your head. It's so...round."

Oishi reached up and rubbed his head. "Yes, I guess it is." He blushed.

"I...I have this thing for round heads..." Jackal said.

"Well...to be honest, so do I," Oishi confessed. "And your head is the roundest I have ever seen."

Their eyes met, and they fell into each other's arms.

-----

Tachibana was happy. He was surrounded by his entire tennis team, whom he loved like his children. In fact, they were so much like his children that he found himself telling them a story.

"Once upon a time, there was a princess, who lived in a very pretty castle in a peaceful kingdom. Her name was --"

"Akira!" snickered Ishida, thinking himself to be very funny. Kamio, however, was not amused, and proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

"This princess was very sad, because her father had decreed that she was to marry a prince. However, she was in love with a lowly peasant by the name of --"

"If the princess is named Akira, then the guy must be Momoshiro, after seeing what those two were doing on the bus. That was just indecent. I really didn't want to see that, so I had to stop looking after a while. It was kind of intersting though, I mean, how did they breathe when --"

Kamio was turning an interesting shade of purple. "JUST LET HIM FINISH THE STORY!"

"And then the princess..." Tachibana was suddenly plagued with mental images of Kamio in a poofy ball gown, crying at his parting with Momoshiro, the scruffy peasant.

"Tachibana-san? Tachibana-san, are you all right?"

Tachibana didn't know if he would ever be all right again.

-----

"Echizen! Fuji-sempai said that he was looking for you," said Momo, settling down beside Echizen. "He wanted me to tell you that he's disappointed that you weren't on his bus."

Echizen looked over at Fuji, who had Yuuta handcuffed to one arm, Tezuka on his other side, and Saeki in his lap. Fuji waved, and blew him a kiss.

"Madda madda da ne," he mumbled. Which really meant that there was no way he was going over there. Ever.

-----

Mizuki was in the middle of plotting some devilishly evil way of retrieving Yuuta for himself. He was paying so little attention to his surroundings that he tripped over someone on his way.

"Fsssh," said Kaido, who was a little peeved.

"Ah, Kaido Kaoru," said Mizuki. "Would you like to help me in my attempt to regain Yuuta from Fuji Syusuke's clutches?"

"Fssssh." That was a definite no on his part.

"I'll make it worth your while." Mizuki batted his eyes seductively.

"FSSSSSSSSH!" exclaimed Kaido, which was clearly a cry for help. Mizuki was intrigued by this reaction, forgot all about Yuuta, and decided to use his devilishly evil plans of the day for Kaido.

...who was currently running away.

"Halt!" Mizuki commanded. "I will have my way with you!"

"FSSH!"

-----

Kirihara was happily splashing away, when he felt a looming presence behind him.

"Kirihara," said the looming presence. "Why don't you join my friends and I?"

Kirihara looked up into Fuji Syusuke's bright blue eyes. "Um...I don't want to?" He remembered what had happened on the bus. He didn't like what had happened on the bus.

"You don't want to? That's too bad. I want you too."

Kirihara backed away slowly. "I don't want to."

"I want you to."

"I DON'T WANT TO!"

Kirihara soon found himself seated in Fuji's lap, along with Saeki.

-----

"Atobe! Stop running away from me!" yelled Sakaki.

Atobe did not heed his coach's commands. He wanted to find Kabaji so he could hide behind him. Unfortunately, Kabaji seemed to be occupied.

He was so intent on escaping from Sakaki that he did not notice Kaido, who was intent on escaping from Mizuki. Which resulted in a collision. Their sudden stop allowed Mizuki and Sakaki to catch up with them, but that also resulted in a collision.

"This is like a dream come true," Sakaki said, dreamily, from his position at the bottom of the heap.

"Someone save me!" cried Atobe.

"Ah, you're messing up my hair!" wailed Mizuki.

"FSSH!" yelled Kaido.

Tezuka, who had managed to escape from Fuji, was passing by and saw the huge mess that the four had created. He untangled them, gave them a stern look, and ordered them to run a million laps.

"Hey, you're not the boss of me!" Sakaki exclaimed, with a pout. "You're a student! You're not even my student!"

Tezuka affixed Sakaki with the Intense Gaze of Tezuka (tm). Sakaki cowered, and then began to run his laps.

"Thank you for saving me, Tezuka," Atobe said. He took that opportunity to embrace Tezuka. "How can I ever repay you?" That of course with a seductive wink -- oh, how could Tezuka resist that?

"Run your laps," Tezuka replied. Atobe cursed, and began to run. One day he would have Tezuka Kunimitsu, no matter what he had to do!

-----

Akazawa had really hit it off with Kajimoto. They discovered that they had a mutual interest in all things purple. They couldn't help it -- purple was such a fascinating color.

"That's probably why I obsess over Mizuki," Akazawa admitted, as he and Kajimoto lounged.

"...Mizuki-kun? He is the reason I developed my fascination for purple," Kajimoto said. "I had no idea you had feelings for him."

"When did you meet Mizuki?"

"I played doubles with him once," Kajimoto replied. "It was quite an experience."

"Stay away from my Mizuki!" Akazawa tackled Kajimoto and began to strangle him. Kajimoto saw his life flash before his eyes -- and then suddenly he could breathe again, and Akazawa was crying like a little baby.

"Oh, why do I bother?" he wailed. "Mizuki will never be mine, anyway! I let him walk all over me and run the damn team, but he never even acknowledges me! All I want is a little love, damn it!"

Kajimoto patted the poor guy on the back. "There, there. I'm here for you."

-----

Sometime during Sakaki's million laps, he encountered an old wrinkled teacher with a deranged grin on his face. This teacher's name was Banji.

"Why are you running?" Banji asked.

"This scary kid told me too," Sakaki replied. "I don't think he's watching anymore though, so I'm going to stop now."

"You're quite lovely when you run," Banji said. Sakaki felt his insides warm at the praise.

And Sakaki x Banji was born...

-----

"Oh no! It appears that my towel has fallen off!" exclaimed Sengoku. "And I can't find where it landed!"

"Don't worry," said Taki, who was nearby. "I have two towels!"

"Lucky!" exclaimed Sengoku. "I was afraid that I was going to have to run around in my nudity for the rest of the afternoon!"

"I'm always happy to help someone in nude," Taki said, handing over his extra towel.

"Hey!" exclaimed Davide. "I'm the one who's supposed to be making bad puns!"

"Sorry."

-----

Somehow Aoi had convinced Yanagisawa, the twins Kisarazu, an the twins Tanaka to play duck duck goose with him. However, he decided to change the name to goose goose duck, and kept choosing Yanagiasawa as the duck. Then he kept on losing, just so he could choose Yanagisawa as the duck again.

Both sets of twins were snickering, but Yanagisawa didn't get the joke. He was too busy running around in circles.

-----

Hiyoshi wanted to go home. He didn't feel especially relaxed because there were too many other people in this damn place. He wanted to go home to his mommy who would pat him on the head and tell him he was a good little boy, and that he could take over the world someday if he really tried hard.

"You look lonely," said a voice that could only belong to someone who fancied himself a lady-killer. How Hiyoshi could tell that after hearing only three words, he didn't know; all he knew was that he suddenly had to go to the bathroom. He looked up, and saw that this supposed lady-killer had a head of orange hair, and a smile that would have frightened little boys because it was so...yuck.

"I'm Wakato Hiroshi, and I'm bored as hell because there are no girls around to impress. Would you like me to keep you company?"

"No."

"I'm very sexy, and everyone loves me."

"Go to hell."

"I really, really need some attention right now. My ego is deflating. It hurts."

"Bite me!"

"Could you maybe pretend to be a girl and squeal over me?"

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"

"Come on, cross dressing isn't so bad. I've tried it once or twice. It's kind of nice, actually."

Hiyoshi wondered why all he ever attracted were weirdoes and losers. One day, he was going to have the whole world at his feet. One day, he would rule the world!

-----

"I knew we shouldn't have tried to play cards while in the water," Minami said, as his great poker hand sailed downstream. He would have been able to win with that hand, too.

"Oh well. The game wouldn't have lasted very long anyway, since all we're wearing is towels," Muromachi said. "I guess strip poker wasn't a good idea at all."

They sat in silence for a while. Boredom washed over them in waves.

"Should we go streaking?"

"Nah, the Horio kid already did that."

"Tiddlywinks?"

"In the water?"

"We could always whisperwhisper."

"I have a headache."

"You always have a headache!"

"Too bad for you."

"Bastard."

"Jerk."

"Loser."

"Moron."

"Insect."

"Armpit."

"...armpit?"

"Sorry, ran out of insults."

-----

Ryuzaki-sensei hadn't been on a trip to any hot springs in quite a long time. She was enjoying herself immensely -- that is until she happened upon Fuji and his harem, and witnessed things that she had never, even in her deepest darkest wildest yaoi fantasy dreams, wanted to see.

She felt quite weak and ill, and imagined that she might be suffering from a heart attack. She crawled away and went to call for an ambulance.

-----

"Hey Bane --" Davide began.

"No, don't go any further. This whole story is one bad joke, and it doesn't need any of your help!"

-----

Atobe finished his laps, and collapsed at Tezuka's feet.

"Now, Tezuka..." he panted. "It's time...for..."

"Save your breath," Tezuka said. "You're going to need it for ---"

CENSOREDCENSOREDCENSORED

And then they both lived very happily ever after, until Fuji caught them.

-----

Meanwhile, Jiroh snored on....

-----

Fin


End file.
